SNL: Japanese Version of The Office (with Translation)

Most of The Office's fans probably already know that the popular American zitcom is actually a remake of a British comedy. In this hillarious digital short from Saturday Night Live, the creator of the original British version, Ricky Gervais, explains how he was inspired by a Japanese TV show.

Translation:
***************************************************

Pam: Hello. Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam.

Micheal: Pamo Pamo Pamo Pamoooooooo-san.

Pam: Micheal. What is it?

Micheal: Just being original.

(Bows)

Micheal: I am the funniest boss in Japan. (Coffee cup reads: Funniest boss in the world).

Jim: (calling Dwight) Where's the stapler?

Dwight: (Finding the stapler in a blob of Jello) Fool!

Micheal: What's going on?

Dwight, Jim, Pam: (Bowing to Micheal) Please excuse me. Please excuse me. Please excuse me. Please, excuse me.

(Princess Tampon commercial)

Micheal: I am the regional manager.

Dwight: I am the assistant regional manager.

Micheal: The regional manager's assistant! Why are you up here? Ok! Let's exercise!

Pam: Everyone really loves when Micheal messes up!

Micheal: Well, it was a good day. We did a good job. What do you think (to the bobble head)? Yes, yes, yes!

(Karaoke)

Dwight: Cheers!

(Produced by Souya Sara and Souya Hana)

Sharin No Uta : English Translation : Bump of Chicken

Sharin No Uta : The Wheel Song

The rusty wheels make a shriek
Carrying our bodies to the station at dawn

As I peddle
The thing you transmit as you lean against my back
Is definite warmth

Up the hill along the train tracks
“A little more, just a bit further”
From behind your voice sounds like you’re having fun

The town is way too quiet
“It’s like we’re the only people in the world” you grumble softly
At the moment we reached the top of the hill
We were at a loss for words
The sunrise that welcomed us was way too beautiful

Then I think you laughed behind me
I couldn’t look back because I was crying

I don’t really know the town
The most expensive ticket on
First end of the ticket machine goes to

The cheapest of all, the platform ticket
Even though I’d use it immediately
I carefully put it away

The big bag you bought
The day before yesterday
Caught on the wicket and,
Unable to pass through, you looked at me

I nodded without meeting your eyes
And my hand freed the bag’s stubbornly caught cord

The resounding bell announces the end
The door opens only for you
Having stepped forward,
One step with more distance than many thousands, you say

"I promise! We’ll definitely meet again some day!"
Unable to answer, with my eyes cast down, I waved my hand

You... You weren't wrong that time...

Down the hill along the train tracks,I fly
Faster than the wind
I catch up with you and
The rusty wheel shrieks
With all my might, I line up with the train but
It slowly gets further away

You were crying, weren’t you
On the other side of the door
Even though I didn’t see your face,
I knew because your voice was shaking

I promise. We’ll definitely meet again someday
As you got further away,
I made a big wave with my hand so that you could see

The town was bustling but
“It’s like I’m the only person in the world” I grumbled softly

The rusty wheels shriek
Left behind, I’m carried along
A faint warmth

Supernova : English Translation : Bump of Chicken

Supernova: Bump of Chicken
Translation by Melissa Chasse ©

When I get a fever I realize
That I have a body
When my nose gets stuffy I realize
That I’ve been breathing all this time

You’re existence
I make sure of it so many times but
You know how truly precious someone is
Once they’re gone

When I refused your outstretched hand
There might have been a big earthquake
When I protected your outstretched hand
The one I wanted to protect may have been myself

You’re existence
I always held on to it so tightly but
I’m really afraid so
I just can’t let go

La la la…

Talking to people I realize
There’s nothing I want to say
When I try to put the words together
I understand I’m full of feelings I want to express

Your existence
I can keep talking about it like this but
true gratitude
Can’t be expressed by a mere “thank you”

La la la…

In our clock (In the time we have)
We want
to grasp just one truth
and pass it on…

When I try to count the years, I realize
However slight, I had a history
At almost the same time I understand
An end will come to that, too

I can remember you whenever I want but
What I really want is
Not memories, it’s the present

It's after I forget you that I remember
I had a history with you
It's after I loose you that I discover
I met you by chance

A person’s existence
In this world is worthless, but
Somebody’s world
Can be built on it

Your existence
I confirm it so many times, but
Your true existence is that
Even when you’re gone, you’re here

Our clock doesn’t stop
It’s moving

La la la…

Pooping on Gion : Geisha Beware!

Japan's wealthy playboys and camera-toting tourists are not the only ones drawn to the soft, red glow of Gion's paper lanters. Kyoto's most famous hanamachi, or geisha entertainment district, is also the preferred hangout of murders of young crows!

(Narrator): "Gion is crowded with people, but they're all worried about what's overhead..."

(Geisha Customer): "I was just saying, right? (maiko: Yes, you were.) You have to be careful with good kimono.

Geisha: That's right.

(Maiko in green, Yukako): "It's nasty, isin't it! Lately its always falling right before my eyes. I can't stand it!

(Narrator): Just then...

It's raining poop! An innocent bystander is splatter with white bird droppings!

(Maiko): Oh no! You went out (from under the covered walkway).

(Geisha): I was suprised! Onii-san (big brother),the timing! Poor thing!

(Poor thing): It doesn't come out!

(Geiko): But it's dangerous over there, too. There are so many (birds) up there.

(Narrator): And again... (Another poop bomb splatters the pavement).

Blah, blah, blah... I just thought that first bit was hilarious! Especially since I have seen people fall victim to the occasional poop bomb, although I myslef have yet to be targeted. (^_^)x <--- That's me keeping my fingers crossed.

Kurama Fire Festival : 鞍馬の火祭り

One of Kyoto's biggest and most eccentric festivals, Kurama no Hi Matsuri captures the imagination, whisking the awe-struck spectator back in time through an ancient ritual preserved, protected and passed down through the ages to the progeny of an ancient Japan.

Nestled high in northern Kyoto's mountains, the rural town of Kurama consists of traditional, tiled-roof homes and shops crowded along a single main road, narrowly winding its way through the evergreen mountaintops that rise on either side. Each year, on October 22, as the moon begins to rise over these steely blue ridges and night casts its sleepy shadow over the usually quite town, a river of visitors from all over Japan flows from the small, provincial train station, flooding the town in a buzz of anticipation and excitement as they prepare to witness the rites and rituals of Kurama's famous Fire Festival. The Kyoto Shimbun Newspaper numbered the festival-goers in 2008 at over 10,200!

The ancient ritual is rooted in the troubles of the mid Heian Era, when the ancient capital was plagued by rebellion, great earthquakes and natural disasters. In 940, the emperor relocated Yuki Shrine from the grounds of the Imperial Palace north to Kurama in an attempt to appease the northern deities. Bonfires were lit along the road to Kurama, leading the procession of Shinto priests to the deity’s new home. Soon after, the plagues ceased and the rebellion was defeated, once again bringing peace to the empire. The spectacle of the great procession and miraculous virtue of the rites so impressed the people of Kurama that they determined to preserve them for posterity, each generation passing it on to the next.

Today the sacred Shinto rituals begin at 6 pm, but visitors begin arriving long before, seeking out the best places to experience the event and vying to get as close to the action as possible. By the time the sun disappears behind the hills, all open areas along the main road are filled with space-impaired spectators, corralled behind ropes and barriers to keep them a safe distance from the madness that will eventually ensue. Late-comers are ushered behind the early bird crowds by a seemingly infinite number of policemen, politely prodded to keep moving on a continual circuit from the train station, through the town, and back again, past homes and shops with torches of all sizes displayed proudly outside.

Suddenly a cry of "Shinji ni mairasshare!" echoes through the town. At the signal, the citizens of Kurama kindle the torches and small bonfires that line the main street, illuminating the way for the procession of fire.

A silver moon brightens the evening sky above a 3 meter mini-bonfire along the procession route, bound with a shimenawa. A shimenawa is a rope used to cordon off consecrated areas or to act as talisman against evil.

As night falls in high in the mountains, so do the temperatures. Festival-goers take time to warm up around the blazing bonfires, even as sparks and ash falls from the sky.

Tiny toddlers wrapped in brightly colored kimono carry hand held, bottle shaped torches as they are led up and down the main thoroughfare, walking hand in hand with their parents.

Next, small and medium sized torches are shouldered by elementary, junior high and high school boys. Finally, the five meter long taimatsu, or 'great torches', appear, shouldered by the town's young men. The Kurama taiko group, led by a feisty old woman artfully striking a great drum, leads the procession of taimatsu, accompanied by shouts of "Saireya Sairyo"!

A high school students shoulders the tail end of a 5 meter torch as sparks rain down behind him. Catching one of these falling sparks on your skin is said to be very auspicious, if not painful.

These enormous torches weigh over 100 kilos, or 220 pounds.

A group of scantily clad young men show off their "cute hips" in the revealing traditional festival gear.

By 8 pm, over 250 torches are gathered on the great stone steps leading up to Kurama Temple. The heat of the blazing flames can be felt all along the roadside. The shimenawa is cut and the torches are consumed in a massive flame, painting the town in dancing vermillion light that flilckers against the deep, star speckled sky. Two omikoshi, or portable shrines, dance through the streets on the shoulders of Kurama's proud young men, bringing the festival to its climax.

The omikoshi and I with my new friends.

The last train out of Kurama leaves long before the festival draws to an end at midnight, and visitors line up for hours trying to catch one of the few trains back to civilization. My first visit to Kurama no Hi Matsuri was with my friends from Kansai Gaidai, one of whom happened to live a short walk from the festival's epicenter. Long after the tourists had gone, my friends and I drank sake and danced in the street with the townspeople. It is one of the most incredible experiences I've ever had, and for a moment, I felt as if I had experienced a very different Japan, Japan as it must have been long ago. That Japan still exists. You just have to know where to look for it.

You’ll find it in Kurama.

Any Japanese festival is a great place to make new friends!

Nengajo: Japanese New Year's Cards

A brilliant up and coming graphic designer in Tokyo, Yuki Nakano designed this nengajo to welcome 2008: The Year of the Rat. The design of most nengajo includes the junishi, or Oriental zodiac animal, of the New Year.

Oshogatsu, or New Year's, is a very special time in Japan—a time for people return to their ancestral homes, spend time with their families and get in touch with their roots. Perhaps the most honored and celebrated of the Japanese holidays, Oshogatsu is a three-day event beginning with Omisoka (New Year's Eve) and lasting through the first three days of the year. Many people wear traditional clothing, like kimono, and play traditional games, such as uta garuta. Preparations begin long in advance as people clean their homes from top to bottom (known as Osouji), prepare Osechi ryori (traditional New Year's food eaten during the forst three days of the new year), and write nengajo, or New Year's greetings.

These days, many people use designs including photos of themselves or their families on their nengajo.

Much like the Christmas cards exchanged in the US and abroad, nengajo are an important part of Japan's New Year's festivities. Now an established tradition, the exchange of these New Year's greetings began in 1873, when postcards were first introduced to Japan. Today, the average family sends over a hundred nengajo to family, friends and colleagues, and businesses mail them to all their customers.

New Year's is a time for wafuku (traditional Japanese clothing) and Osechi ryori, traditional Japanese New Year's food.

Like many Japanese traditions, there is a specific nengajo etiquette code that has no equal in Western culture. While Christmas cards arrive anytime from Thanksgiving to New Year's, nengajo are expected to be delivered on January 1st, not a day before or after. Domestic mail usually only takes a day or two to be delivered, but nengajo can be posted early in special temporary mail boxes to ensure they arrive on time. Every card put into these boxes between December 15th and December 25th gets a special postmark and is delivered promptly on New Year' Day. Waiting for your bundle of postal love (they literally arrive bound together) and reading the flood of New Year’s wishes on January 1st is a cherished holiday tradition, similar to waiting for presents and opening them on Christmas.

When a surprise nengajo arrives from someone you have forgotten, it is always acceptable to send your greetings on January 6, reminding them to take care in the cold weather (寒中お見舞いもしあげます: kanchu omimai moshiagemasu). If someone you know has recently lost a loved one, you should not send a nengajo in observance of the family's mourning.

Of course, if you are a card-carrying gaijin, you are theoretically exempt from all of these rules. Why not surprise your friends and colleagues with your astounding nengajo knowledge and skill? The same gracious people that praise your ability to use chopsticks and poor attempts at speaking Japanese will be thrilled with the thoughtful consideration and effort, regardless of when your nengajo arrives.

Hand drawn by one of my students, this was the first nengajo I recieved in Japan.

Happy New Year, everyone! ☆明けましておめでとう☆

Kojima Yoshio : English Teacher!

Comedian Yoshio Kojima trys his hand at teaching English...

During my last trip to Japan, I must have heard "Sonna no kankei nai" a million times -- at restaurants and izakaya (Japanese style watering holes), on the streets, and from Japanese friends. It wasn't long before I got my first taste of the speedo-clad Yoshio Kojima, a half-Brazilian, half-Japanese graduate of the prestigious Waseda University, singing and prancing around half-naked, jumping, humping, pumping his his fist towards the floor and stomping his foot. Now you, too, can enjoy this Japanese comic fad at it's finest.(Translated below).

**************************

Woman: (Hoping for help from Kojima, she reads him her homework)
Kojima: Wow, you're horrible! That's not even close!
Woman: It's been so long since I read English...
Kids: Well then, you read it!
Kojima: Shall I read it for you? That's not smooth at all, and there's so much space between the words foreigners will never understand you!
Woman: Well then, Mr. Kojima, if you would, please...
Kojima: (Brilliant English-- no translation needed!)
Woman: What language is that?
Kojima: It's English!!!

♪♪♪ Acutally I can't read English、but that doesn't matter! ♪♪♪
Hai, OPPAPI!

*(Note: Oppapi supposedly stands for "Ocean Pacific Peace". Does that explanation sounds dubious to anyone else?)

...And Japanese!

Kojima attempts to help a young boy learn a kanji, or Chinese character...

Koijima: This is the character "naku", "to cry," Ok?
Boy: Naku (to cry).
Kojima: Naku. To Cry. This is easy. Umm... (baby cries) will you be quiet? Uh... first, WHOA! Don't pull my undies down, OK?! That's dangerous!

(Begins to draw) This is a crying... Do you got it? It's a crying person. Crying. He is crying. Crying. Cryin'. Cry crai cra crr cr... CRYING!

(Kojima shows the progression of the kanji from picture to pictograph)

Boy: I still don't quite understand...
Kojima: You still don't understand? Ok, but this is how I got into Waseda...

Wow. When you explain kanji like that, it really starts to make sense! I bet naku is one kanji that boy will never forget.

Much thanks to Japan Probe for always bringing the best of Japanese TV to the blogsphere, and for being a much cooler blog than this will ever be. m(- -)m

"Hana No Na" English Translation: 花の名 : Bump of Chicken

I just can't get the newest single by Japan's undisputedly best-ever band (in my humble opinion), Bump of Chicken, out of my head. It was definately the theme song of the soundtrack to my recent trip to Japan. When I wasn't straining to hear it over the random noise pollution of imo and sakana songs at the supermarket, lingering around the conbini onigiri section to catch the last few notes, or just hearing it drift around Osaka, I was singing it to myself. If you haven't heard it yet, give it a listen. If you have heard it and wished you knew what the heck they were saying, wish no more! The best thing about this new Bump song is it's relative easy vocabulary, grammar and pace, making it the perfect study tool!

In my hopes of spreading the joy of Bump this holiday season, I've translated Hana no Na for anyone who cares. I hope someone out there appreciates and enjoys it as much as I do!

The Flower's Name by Bump of Chicken

Translation by Melissa Chasse ©

If it is such a simple thing, I wonder why can't I say it?

If it's something I can't say, I wonder how I will express it?

Even if I forget the sky we saw together,

I won't forget that we were together

If you are a flower,

You're probably not very different from all the other ones

From them, I chose one

There is a song only I can sing

There is a song only you can hear

My being here is proof that you were here

The song that I leave here is proof that I was left with you

Since I borrowed the power to live,

While I'm alive I have to give it back

When you forget the tears and the smiles,

Please just remember

Lost in the same pain

There is a song that only you can sing

There is a song that only I can hear

Everyone has a person they want to see

Everyone has a person they are waiting for

If there are people that (people) want to see

Then there are people waiting for them

Always

If you are a flower,

You're probably not very different from all the other ones

From them, I chose one

For me, For you

Someday

When you forget the tears and the smiles,

Please just remember

Without losing my way

I chose

There is a song that only you can sing

There is a song that only I can hear

There is someone waiting only for me

There is someone who wants to see only you

Okoshiyasu!

Naosuzu (geiko) and Katsue(maiko)welcome a customer to the an outdoor tea ceremony beneath the cherry blossoms in Kyoto. Okoshiyasu is Kyoto dialect for welcome.

"Oni Wa Soto! Fuku Wa Uchi!"

"GOBLINS OUT! FORTUNE IN!"

The Long-Nosed Goblin of Mt. Atago: Performed by the geiko of Gion Higashi. During setsubun, many people hang Okame masks (thought to bring good luck), like the one above.

According to ancient Chinese legend, a man-eating mountain-dwelling beast called the nian (年) silently slipped in and out of houses, preying on unsuspecting villagers. In time, people learned that loud noises and the color red seemed to repel the monster, and began to protect themselves with explosions, fireworks displays and the use of the color red in their homes and villages. Eventually these customs evolved into the first Chinese New Year celebrations. Even the kanji for Guò nián (Simplified Chinese: 过年; Traditional Chinese: 過年), which means to celebrate the new year, literally means 'the passing of the nian beast".

The legend of nian and the traditions adopted to repel him became so intwined with the idea of the new year that, when the Japanese began using chinese characters in their writings, the kanji for the nian (年) came to mean 'year'.

A long-nose oni (goblin, devil) mask.

In traditional Japan, the new year celebrations began with Risshun (立春) Setsubun (節分), the day before the begining of Spring (according to the traditional East Asian calendar). As with modern celebrations of the Gregorian New Year, special rituals were performed to cleanse the misfortune of the former year and drive away evil spirits in the year to come.

As in China, the celebrations were not without their hideously evil creatures. The devilish Oni were originally invisible spirits or gods which caused disasters, disease, and other general unpleasantness in the lives of humans, taking on a variety of forms to deceive (and often devour) them. The Chinese character (鬼) meaning "ghost" came to be used for these formless creatures. It was not until Buddhism arrived that Oni took on its present ogre-like form.

In Japan, these beasties were much easier to keep at bay. On this traditional New Year's Eve, the toshiotoko (man born on in the corresponding animal year of the Chinese zodiac or the head of the house) would throw pan heated soy beans out the door or at a family member wearing an oni mask yelling "Oni wa soto! Fuku wa uchi!" (Evil spirits out! Fortune (blessing) in!" The beans were believed to purify the home, driving out the spirits of sickness and misfortune. To ensure that good luck would enter, the soybeans were eaten. In some areas, the number of bean one eats is the same as their age, but in some places an extra bean is added for good luck. Mamemaki, or bean throwing, still happens today.

I'm off to Kyoto to experience mamemaki myself! Happy Setsubun! Fuyu was soto! Haru was Uchi! (Out with winter! In with Spring!)

Shakai no Mado: Your Social Window

Transalation: Shakai no mado: Social window, society's window.

Welcome to the ever-interesting world of Japanese idiomatic expressions. I don't care how good your Japanese is, I'm betting this is something only living in Japan can teach you-until now. I doubt they covered it in Japan-go 101, but hey, I could be wrong. Here goes:

Allow me to set the scene. An innocent, enthusiastuc ALT, (AKA, Me) doing her best to be genki (energetic and entertaining) despite the fact that the temperature inside the school is zero and the teachers have decided that, since so many students have been catching colds, they should start keeping the doors and windows open (What the $#$%@%@Q@#%# ?!) As she jumps, dances, and karate-chops her way around the room, pretending to play "Simon Says" in a crude attempt to survive the bitter cold...

Student: Sensei?

Teacher: Yes?

Student: Society's window.

Teacher: Huh? (clueless).

Student: Social Window! (Trying to be discreet).

Teacher: WHAT the heck is that? Social window? What does that mean? (loud and obnoxious. If everyone wasn't listening before, they are now).

Student: It's open.

Sensei: . . . Oh...

So, what does it mean?

Gion Odori 2006: Acts Two and Three

Act Two: Okome. Okome is the Japanese word for rice (before it is cooked). The geiko Mariko, dancing as a Shinto priestess for a plentiful harvest of rice in early spring. In January, maiko wear a stalk of rice in their hair to celebrate the new year.

Act Three: Shidarezakura. Shidare zakura (from sakura), or weeping cherry. Before the famous weeping cherries of Maruyama Koen, near Yasaka Shrine, an elder geiko awaits her true love until she is discovered by her younger sister .

Uh oh! She recollectin' ya'll! Reading an unusually long rabureta (love letter) in the absence of her beloved.


I know that correspondence is often recommended to encourage affection, but this is ridiculous sis!

Don't make me...

I love the beautiful bend of their hands, so limber and graceful. It reminds me of the Apsara dance of Cambodia...

Gion Odori 2006: Maneki

Masayo and Miharu.

The theme of this year's Gion Odori, the fall dance performed by the maiko and geiko of Gion Higashi, was "Seasonal Glories of the Maiko's Hanakanzashi," or flowered hair ornaments.

Masayo and Fumiki.

In December, maiko wear the maneki hanakanzashi. This dance depicted the maiko attending the year-end debut of Kabuki actors at the Minamiza theater. A young maiko overcomes her shyness to ask her favorite actor for his signature "with her big courage".

Masayo, the highest ranking maiko in Gion Higashi, dancing during the opening act of this year's Gion Odori: Maneki. This years theme was hanakanzashi, the flowered hair ornaments worn by the maiko. Each dance reflected the meaning and seasons in which each hanakanzashi is worn.

During Kaomise (from about Nov.30- Dec. 26) , the names of the performing Kabuki actors are written on long, wooden boards called maneki kanban, and hung outside the theater. Maiko attend the Kaomise (face showing) Kabuki performances, wearing these Maneki hanakanzashi. Two small, blank tags are attatched, and maiko ask their favorite Kabuki actors to sign them afterwards.


Fukimi and Miharu strike a Maneki Neko, or beckoning cat, pose.


Fumiki and Umeha.

Misoekai: Miyagawa's Fall Dance

Kimitomo 君友 peeks out demurely from behind her gold-speckled fan. The extravagant silks, colorful kimonos, flowery hair ornaments and hauntingly beautiful make up are only part of a maiko's beauty, and impressive as they are, the true allure lies in her child-like innocence.

As a geiko,　Kimina 君奈 no longer relies on the flashy kimonos or ornate hair ornaments. She has attained a level of skill that speaks for itself with every graceful movement.




Harumi　春美

Kikuryuu　菊柳 perfroming a traditional dance in which awamochi vendors take turns pounding rice cakes as they perform various acts. Awamochi is a type of rice cake that was popular during the Edo Era and is still made today.

Pretty in Pink: Miyofuku

As I stood talking to the old women of Sakuraya, I noticed this young maiko walk past and call at an okiya down the street. After some time had passed, I noticed that she had not yet slipped behind the slit wooden grill of the sliding door, but stood nervously, looking up and down the street. I asked the Okaasan if she was ok, so we walked down to find out. Poor Miyofuku had been locked out of her okiya, and with everyone at rehersals for the fall dance recitals, she didn't know where to go or what do to. Finally Yasuha and Fukuyoshi came by and took her home with them.

Man, I don't know why she didnt just kick off those clogs and climb in through a window! That's what i always used to do when I got locked out (^_<) Hehehe....Just kidding.

The Flower Procession: Gion Matsuri

Maiko from Miyagawa-cho being pulled through Kyoto by young men from their neighborhood.

I'm sure you're all sick of seeing pictures from Gion Matsuri, but I just can't help myself! I'll try to write more later...Until then just enjoy the view from here (^_<)

Young women carrying their hanagasa, straw hats covered with fake paper flowers, seek shelter beneath their umbrellas.

Kanazuru, a maiko from Miyagawa-cho.

A young White Herron Dancer giggling as she ran for cover from the relentless rain.

A maiko from Gion.

A shrine maiden of Yasaka Jinja tries to keep her hanagasa in place.